Death Comes Knocking

You can smell it when you walk
through the halls
nursing homes
old people
lives lived
love gained and lost
heroic actions mix with moments of regret

You can hear it

knock
knock
knock

The end is near.
Preparations made.
Relatives on call.

The hiss of oxygen tanks
the beep beep of a living pulse slowing down

knock
knock
knock

But sometimes
death comes in
the night
while still in the womb
no knocking
uninvited
movement transformed to stillness
inhale and exhale cease
memories never made
a live unlived

knock
knock
knock

preparations for life
become
preparations for death

birth outfits
become
death garments

knock
knock
knock

2014

It's hard to believe that it has been over 2 months since we lost Lyddia.  I guess it is like all time- in some ways it feels like a lifetime ago, and other times it seems like yesterday.  2014 was quite a year for us.  From the minor to the major, a lot happened.

-- I bought a bike and started riding it, doing my first duathlon (run, bike, run)
-- We bought a house and worked on it and worked on it...and eventually moved into it.
-- Adam and I went to England
-- I taught my first college class... in the US, that is

This was my first pregnancy that happened in the full span of a single year.  From Feb to October, Lyddia was with me every day.  Sometimes I think about what a full life she lived with me, in just that short 9 months.  She was with me as I painted (and painted and painted) all the walls in our house.  She travelled with us to Europe.  She was with me on visits to Orange Beach, Atlanta, Denver, Little Rock, and Memphis.  She was with me watching my nephew graduate.  She danced inside me when Katie took me to a Michael Buble concert.

Her life was so short, but I am glad that we got to share so many exciting moments together.

I miss her every day, but I guess it is a mercy to know that she was so loved and got to be a part of so many important milestones.