Well do you? I was reading a blog the other day that I can't seem to get off my mind. It spoke about verses that are challenging to us. I didn't respond, but since then, I think that Jesus has answered for me... and there are so many. (all of these are NKV: New Kara Version. For actual verses click on the link at the end)
I took you into the desert to humble you and to test you and to see what was in your heart. (Deut 8:2)
Anyone who is not disciplined is illigitimate and not a true son . (Heb 12:8)
Woe are you when men think well of you, like you, you are well fed, are fat and rich. (Luke 6:24-26)
There are so many more, and maybe I will keep adding to this as more are shown to me.... but one that keeps coming back to me over the past couple of years is when Jesus talks about the price tag that is stuck on the product we sometimes call discipleship.
Anyone who wants to follow has to kill everything he knew about his life, and leave it behind to follow a different life. And if you like the old life better, in fact, unless you HATE the old life, you are not worthy to come.
I remember once sitting in a Dunkin Doughnuts in Bankok, Thailand and just weeping over this text. I was longing for an earthly home, and yet I knew that I was going to get on a plane in a couple of days, and I was going to go back to China for another semester- going back to this other foriegn home that I had made. I felt the weight of denying my father and mother for the first time in my life. But hating myself. This has been a much longer journey.
When I was in DC I went to the Holocoust Museum. It was a really amazing experience, but one of the things that I stopped to write down- was a quote from a German Jew who was a famous writer (so famous that I can't remember him) and came to America during the holocoust. This is how the quote read:
"I think I am so lucky to be alive.
But last night as I lay in bed
I thought
'survival of the fittest'
and I hated myself."
Do I hate myself? He had been among the "saved" yet he felt the weight of self-hatred because he knew of those who were dying. I know this is not the same thing that Jesus meant when he said we are to hate ourselves... but for some reason I can't help but think that there has to ba an anology there. To find the weight of the lost in the light of my own salvation. What does this look like?
how might ours read?
I am so lucky to be alive.
But last night as I lay in bed
I thought
"predestination"
and I hated myself?
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Slanted perspective
It's been a while since I have posted. I was in Washington, D.C. most of last week, and then I returned home to a pressing deadline (which came this morning, thus leaving me to waste the rest of the day away/ “work on my thesis”). I have several blog thoughts sketched out in my mind and scribbled quickly on whatever I had in my purse at the time, so hopefully those will come through sometime soon.
While I was in DC I had the amazing opportunity to visit the National Gallery of Art. I love going to art museums. So many lessons are infused through my little eyes I always wonder how to take it all in. We only had 30 minutes to spend there, so my eyes quickly scanned the walls of splattered paint on canvas. Somehow I came to the impressionistic section. I always find these painting so interesting. Monet… Renoir… as they begin their masterpieces, surely they must have looked like utter fools to those around them.
As I approach those who are looking at these works of art, standing a fair distance away, I always like to buck the system.
I love to walk right up to the painting, as if I am going to kiss it. Face to face.
And look it in the eye.
From this distance the painting does not look so masterful. From here it is hard to even tell that it is a coherent painting at all. Clumpy textures, jagged edges and seeming random brushstrokes compose the life of this painting. If I were there, I would tell the painter that this is not what the outline of a sun looks like. There is not red in the sky. You should not put yellow in the water- can't you see that it's BLUE!
But then I step away and the chaos comes into view.
Slowly my eyes focus on the dark strokes that seemed so out of place, and I realize that they were accentuating a bridge. I look a little longer and I see that the white was not an attempt to cover up a mistake, but in fact it is a cloud.
It is only when I step away that I see that the composition was made by one more talented than I. With a mind, a perspective, that could see what I could not see.
While I was in DC I had the amazing opportunity to visit the National Gallery of Art. I love going to art museums. So many lessons are infused through my little eyes I always wonder how to take it all in. We only had 30 minutes to spend there, so my eyes quickly scanned the walls of splattered paint on canvas. Somehow I came to the impressionistic section. I always find these painting so interesting. Monet… Renoir… as they begin their masterpieces, surely they must have looked like utter fools to those around them.
As I approach those who are looking at these works of art, standing a fair distance away, I always like to buck the system.
I love to walk right up to the painting, as if I am going to kiss it. Face to face.
And look it in the eye.
From this distance the painting does not look so masterful. From here it is hard to even tell that it is a coherent painting at all. Clumpy textures, jagged edges and seeming random brushstrokes compose the life of this painting. If I were there, I would tell the painter that this is not what the outline of a sun looks like. There is not red in the sky. You should not put yellow in the water- can't you see that it's BLUE!
But then I step away and the chaos comes into view.
Slowly my eyes focus on the dark strokes that seemed so out of place, and I realize that they were accentuating a bridge. I look a little longer and I see that the white was not an attempt to cover up a mistake, but in fact it is a cloud.
It is only when I step away that I see that the composition was made by one more talented than I. With a mind, a perspective, that could see what I could not see.
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
what is seen
I was listening to a sermon on fasting tonight by a preacher in Texas named Matt Chandler. I like him because many of the members of his church either have been Christians for less than two years, or are healing from an abusive church situation, and are just "coming back to church." So when he talks he doesn't always talk in preacher cliches, but uses fresh words- words that one might use to talk to a friend.
He was talking about Matt. 6:16 when Jesus says, "Whenever you fast, do not put on a gloomy fast like the hypocrites do so that they will be noticed by men when they are fasting. Truly they have their reward in full." He goes on to explain this in it's context- explianing the pharasees-
and then he says something a little provocative, a little cutting, that I wonder if we would let preachers get away with
in Auburn
in Nashville
in Little Rock.
"When the most people would be in the market (Tues and Thurs- fasting days) the Pharasees would wake up, not shower, not shave, not put on deodarant, not comb their hair, and they would walk around moaning and looking gloomy,
"What's wrong with you?"
"oohhh, I'm seeking God for you sinner"
and they would put on this overt riligiousity...
and Jesus says beware practicing your hypocracy before men to be noticed by them.
WHY?
Because you WILL be noticed by them.
(stop. drink this in)
The most dangerous part of hypocracy is that IT WORKS!
IT WORKS!
You can put on all the external garb of godliness and have a hard wicked heart and men will praise you and speak highly of you and exalt you as a godly man, as a godly woman, and it can be the most damning thing that ever happens to you.
Hypocracy is dangerous because it works.
You want to do things for the approval of men? You're in a great state, right here in the buckle of the Bible belt. Say the right things, wear the right things, and your going to be exalted all the days of your life, and you're going to die and stand naked before God and have the fullness of your reward, and that's a terrifying idea. A terrifying idea."
WOW.
"Woe are you when men speak highly of you."
He was talking about Matt. 6:16 when Jesus says, "Whenever you fast, do not put on a gloomy fast like the hypocrites do so that they will be noticed by men when they are fasting. Truly they have their reward in full." He goes on to explain this in it's context- explianing the pharasees-
and then he says something a little provocative, a little cutting, that I wonder if we would let preachers get away with
in Auburn
in Nashville
in Little Rock.
"When the most people would be in the market (Tues and Thurs- fasting days) the Pharasees would wake up, not shower, not shave, not put on deodarant, not comb their hair, and they would walk around moaning and looking gloomy,
"What's wrong with you?"
"oohhh, I'm seeking God for you sinner"
and they would put on this overt riligiousity...
and Jesus says beware practicing your hypocracy before men to be noticed by them.
WHY?
Because you WILL be noticed by them.
(stop. drink this in)
The most dangerous part of hypocracy is that IT WORKS!
IT WORKS!
You can put on all the external garb of godliness and have a hard wicked heart and men will praise you and speak highly of you and exalt you as a godly man, as a godly woman, and it can be the most damning thing that ever happens to you.
Hypocracy is dangerous because it works.
You want to do things for the approval of men? You're in a great state, right here in the buckle of the Bible belt. Say the right things, wear the right things, and your going to be exalted all the days of your life, and you're going to die and stand naked before God and have the fullness of your reward, and that's a terrifying idea. A terrifying idea."
WOW.
"Woe are you when men speak highly of you."
blessings...seen and unseen
I was blessed today in two ways:
1) there are moronic people in Georgia
2) my last name begins with "L"
I had the unique experience of the Fulton County courts in Atlanta, Georgia today. All day, I realized how frustrating this experience could have been, but for some reason I kept seeing so much blessing in it. Just like you might not think that it's a blessing to be unattractive... it can sometimes be a blessing to have people who are morons. Take this lady I encountered today. From the time she entered the building she was talking to anything with ears. She was actually "shushed" twice by the bailiff while in court because she was talking with the guy next to her, and the last time he said, "this is the last time I'm going to tell you". For a moment I wasn't sure if I was in kindergarten or a public courtroom. Since her name began with a letter before mine, she went first. The conversation went something like this (we were to stand and tell the ladies how we pleaded...plead?)
"Guilty"
"You're fine is $200. Do you have that in cash with you?"
"Well, I... well... I don't want to.... I....is there something I can.....someone I can...."
"Do you want to change your plea?"
(In a thick southern accent) "well, I'm guilty of speedin'... I just want to...oh.."
"If you want to speak to judge you have plea not guilty"
"well...I.. um"
"if you want your day in court you have to plea not guilty"
"not guilty"
Imagine that before all this we were told to stand when our name was read, and then we were to say... whatever... standing. So the lady is alternately standing and sitting during this whole charade. The best part about it? It wasn't me.
But I loved being there today. I loved being around such a diverse group of people. When we were going in, one lady was talking about turning off her cell phone, and she said, "I remember when Whitney's phone went off, and the judge made such a big deal about it." Her son was like, "Who?" "Whitney Houston." I chortled to myself. She looks up and me and says, "You remember that?" "No, I just thought that it was funny that you said "Whitney" like you were on a first name basis with her... like she was your homegirl." And we had a good laugh.
We have been talking about constraints to getting out of welfare in my social policy class, and one of the things that we talk about is the web of bureaucracy that so many people face just to get something accomplished. I kept thinking about that today as I spent literally half of my day just going to traffic court. And this was after talking to about ten people about what I should do. I am a fairly smart person, and still, I was just as confused as old foot-in-her-mouth-talk-nonstop girl about what my options, or what the procedure is.
The law makes following rules so hard.
More than anything, though... today, sitting in that courtroom, I kept thinking about sitting before the throne. For some reason that image just kept coming to my mind. As people's names were being read, and they were stating "guilty" or "not guilty" I just couldn't help but get a little over whelmed thinking about what it is going to be like to hear the words, "Don't worry, her name is here in this book. The Lamb's book of Life." When the measure of life is over, really, those words are all that will matter.
1) there are moronic people in Georgia
2) my last name begins with "L"
I had the unique experience of the Fulton County courts in Atlanta, Georgia today. All day, I realized how frustrating this experience could have been, but for some reason I kept seeing so much blessing in it. Just like you might not think that it's a blessing to be unattractive... it can sometimes be a blessing to have people who are morons. Take this lady I encountered today. From the time she entered the building she was talking to anything with ears. She was actually "shushed" twice by the bailiff while in court because she was talking with the guy next to her, and the last time he said, "this is the last time I'm going to tell you". For a moment I wasn't sure if I was in kindergarten or a public courtroom. Since her name began with a letter before mine, she went first. The conversation went something like this (we were to stand and tell the ladies how we pleaded...plead?)
"Guilty"
"You're fine is $200. Do you have that in cash with you?"
"Well, I... well... I don't want to.... I....is there something I can.....someone I can...."
"Do you want to change your plea?"
(In a thick southern accent) "well, I'm guilty of speedin'... I just want to...oh.."
"If you want to speak to judge you have plea not guilty"
"well...I.. um"
"if you want your day in court you have to plea not guilty"
"not guilty"
Imagine that before all this we were told to stand when our name was read, and then we were to say... whatever... standing. So the lady is alternately standing and sitting during this whole charade. The best part about it? It wasn't me.
But I loved being there today. I loved being around such a diverse group of people. When we were going in, one lady was talking about turning off her cell phone, and she said, "I remember when Whitney's phone went off, and the judge made such a big deal about it." Her son was like, "Who?" "Whitney Houston." I chortled to myself. She looks up and me and says, "You remember that?" "No, I just thought that it was funny that you said "Whitney" like you were on a first name basis with her... like she was your homegirl." And we had a good laugh.
We have been talking about constraints to getting out of welfare in my social policy class, and one of the things that we talk about is the web of bureaucracy that so many people face just to get something accomplished. I kept thinking about that today as I spent literally half of my day just going to traffic court. And this was after talking to about ten people about what I should do. I am a fairly smart person, and still, I was just as confused as old foot-in-her-mouth-talk-nonstop girl about what my options, or what the procedure is.
The law makes following rules so hard.
More than anything, though... today, sitting in that courtroom, I kept thinking about sitting before the throne. For some reason that image just kept coming to my mind. As people's names were being read, and they were stating "guilty" or "not guilty" I just couldn't help but get a little over whelmed thinking about what it is going to be like to hear the words, "Don't worry, her name is here in this book. The Lamb's book of Life." When the measure of life is over, really, those words are all that will matter.
Monday, April 04, 2005
Spring is Springing
As she usually does, Spring is coming, whether she is invited or not. You can tell it because the azalelas are blloming in Opelika, people are singing for the Spring at Harding and most importantly... people are in love. I have always thought that it was so interesting how the weather, the season, affects our mood and our outlook on the world.
Reasons I love spring:
1. renewal and rebirth
2. outside SMELLS SO GOOD!
3. days last longer
4. less shoes
5. windows down in the car!
I will be updating this list as I see things around me. Let me know why you love spring.
Reasons I love spring:
1. renewal and rebirth
2. outside SMELLS SO GOOD!
3. days last longer
4. less shoes
5. windows down in the car!
I will be updating this list as I see things around me. Let me know why you love spring.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Do you want to RISK it?
This is my "I'm about to eat you for lunch" face... during a recent RISK game. (I lost)
Friday, April 01, 2005
I'm giving up
"The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don't mature. So you might as well marry a younger one. "
Anonymous
Anonymous
what's required for the secret?
"Now it's required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful"
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