I must begin by stating how BRILLIANT my friend Stephanie is. She was the one who brought these thoughts to my attention, and much of the thoughts that are about to come out were first birthed through our conversations: joys and frustrations. This post is actually a combination of what I thought was going to be several blogs.
I think that finding a church is much akin to trying to find a spouse. The beginning is always awkward and usually pretty frustrating. They try to impress. You try to impress. They want you to want them. You hope that you fit with them. It's this right foot-left foot dance that we all play when trying to fit into a new social situation.
The most striking similarity is that we have the high ideals and expectations of what we want in community, in a church, in a companion, but most of the time because we live in reality, we realize that there is a game of give-and-take that we must allow. Just as there is no such thing as the perfect spouse, there is no such thing as a perfect body of believers. Whether you are speaking about the external things we judge by- the style of worship, the location of the building, the comfort of the chairs- or the more "internal" things- the hospitality, the sense of mission, the message that is being spoken- there is no place that is going to give you everything that you are looking for.
So, just as in dating, I must decide what is essential to me. I must try to figure out what I can live with- the fact that he spits a little when he talks, the way he uses his socks as napkins when he's eating and driving in the car, or the way he raises his voice when he gets defensive. What are the things that I can tolerate in an attempt to accept the fact that no one is perfect?
I've been thinking, and blogging a lot about community. One of the most profound thoughts about it came while being whipped around on a tube by "Steak 'Um Bill Walters" at the lake house a couple of weeks ago. No one else in the world would be hanging on for dear life with water splashing in their eyes, and discoursing profound thoughts about community except Stephanie and I.
I think that true community is the cumulative collection of community that we have built thoughout our lives.
That may seem simple, but to people like us- who have traveled so much, me being someone who has somehow forged a life in four places (two states, two different countries) in the past five years- it is comforting to know that I carry with me these communities. I do not leave them behind in search for new community, but I am just adding and building onto the new cumulative.
SO I'm still searching for community here in Birmingham. Still searching for my "mate". I have found pieces of it. I have been going to a church regularly, which is good. I have even been invited into homes. Warm homes, homes of really really good people. Though I still come home to an apartment alone, I have to believe that there is a trail of people that follow me in the door. My cumulative community.
8 comments:
and of course the great cloud of witnesses. but i rarely remember them when i shut my door and double lock it. leave this one up, i'm sending the 'hood over.
perhaps i'll actually have to follow up on my site too. but overall i appreciate how you gathered so many conversations into a well developed post. I like.
and for the record we DID NOT fall off that tube!! take that Steak Um Bill!!
Cheers to being irresistable my friend:) ha!
I think the comparison of finding a church to finding a spouse is a good comparison. I think that biggest reason for this similarity is because marriage is a community. A particular body of believers is set in a particular geographic area; though members of the body may travel, the community has a base of operation. On the other hand, you and your spouse are traveling community – the two are one and where one goes the other goes as well.
Choosing a community to worship with is also similar to finding a spouse because you have to choose whom you are going to reveal yourself to. Do you think they can handle it? But along with this choosing comes commitment. There are points in life when the body is tested, and a marriage is tested, and one needs to choose to stay the course, or find a different community.
But one other thought is, I’ve found that once I’m committed to a community, it is less about what I want and more about what I need in what I am becoming.
"Though I still come home to an apartment alone, I have to believe that there is a trail of people that follow me in the door. " i like that a lot.
i'm a friend of steph's and she sent me to your webpage. its funny you would blog about this because last night i sort of "broke up" with a guy (we werent' dating yet but contemplating it...) and used the analogy about finding a church here (i just moved to austin) and how i know i'll have this peace from god when i know its the church, or in this case, person. hm.
interesting.
i love the verse that directly follows hebrews 11, the amazing chapter on faith. chapter 12 says, "therefore since are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run w/ perseverance the race marked out for us.." ok, so the whole sin thing doesn't help my overall point as i'm wanting to reply to your thoughts on community. but as i was reading your blog, and thinking about this some, i was just thinking about this great cloud of witnesses who has gone before us, like you were talking about the trail of people that follow you into your apartment each evening. and as in the words of bono, our great modern day philosopher "i need to you let you know, you don't have to go it alone." anyway, a few random comments that may not be flowing very well. and this really has nothing to do w/ finding a husband, i just got the image of the great cloud of witnesses who have gone before us, their call to righteousness, their faith. it's like this one time katie and i were doing a long run all around wheaton, and there was one part where we knew this trail was nearby but weren't sure where it was so we were running along a pretty busy street w/ no sidewalks and little shoulder to run along. and suddenly there was a break in the trees and we saw other runners, and we found a way to cut over, and there we were running safely along a path w/ all these people, who where there the whole time, and suddenly it was easier to run, knowing they were there and they'd been there the whole time. yeah, isolation is hard! i love you kara! good thoughts, i appreciate the meat you bring into my otherwise babyfood meals! amw
I like the analogy . . . but since all analogies limp, just remember that you ARE in community in Christ with every believer, which is where it differs from marriage (Kierkegaard would remind me that loving one's spouse IS loving one's neighbor - so maybe I'm wrong!).
Discovering new places and ways to enjoy that divine gift of fellowship - and others with whom you will share that richness - well, it's always an adventure.
But then, you seem to quite adventurous!
The Spirit is with you.
Timely, thanks.
I think sustaining the church is much the same as well. This was a good analogy..
We agree that a man and a women hopefully feel like ONE when they enter marriage and Christ and his church are as ONE body. I enjoyed the post, thanks.
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