Blame it on the MAN

Sorry I've been a loser lately. That's what happens when illegal things get taken away from you, and THE MAN puts you in a system so you can't afford to buy internet legally. Blame it on the Man.

I actually went to Panera on Monday: blog arranged in my mind, pictures on Adam's computer, ready to create a fantastic blog, however I sat down turned on the computer...and nothing happened. No screen action at all. So I think that I should just stop touching all things electric right now.

Last night I went to community group. It's an interesting bunch, and we usually end up drinking a little bit of wine and saying a few things that make people's faces blush. Brian said last night, "I'm not even really sure why people keep coming back." I told him it was like a soap opera- you know you probably shouldn't watch, but you have to see what happens next.

But the reality of it is that there are some really amazing people in that group, and occasionally it comes out. I have heard comments about Brian T, and his random posts, but I want to share with you something that has really resonated with me recently that he wrote about a church service he was at recently.

"he was talking about idols, and he kept going on and on about behavior modification - how these little things in our lives can be idols and they can distract us. He used countless examples like spending time with friends rather than having a personal devotion, like going out with your buddies rather than praying with your wife, like valuing your job or social status too much and that's why you don't evangelize. Apparently, his issues are much easier to deal with than my issues. lucky guy. my problem isn't with choosing friends over a devotion time, my problem is that I don't want to have a devotion time, and I really don't even know what that means. My problem isn't that I don't pray with my wife, my problem is that I don't believe in prayer. my problem isn't that I don't evangelize to my co-workers, my problem is that the term evangelism has so much negative baggage associated with it that the very mention of the word makes me want to run as far from the idea as possible. and the thing about my co-workers is, they each have beliefs that are really beautiful.

this guy was implying that our focus is probably pretty much good, we just need to tweak it. That's bullshit. my focus is on myself, not anything else. and anyone who thinks that their focus is not on themselves is either dead, because their name was mother theresa, or they are a liar.

I am so sick of behavior modification lessons at church. If that's what christianity is, I'm out. I don't want anything to do with it. Since when did christianity stop being about Jesus?"

Since I haven't posted in a while, and might not for a while again, let this resonate and maybe I'll be back. Thanks for that Brian. That's why I keep coming back.