Grindingly clear and the illogic of it all

Most of you know that this year I'm working for a non-profit, and I am an Americorp VISTA. While doing this year of service we have a really shady insurance policy. I think that it's really stupid that the theory behind Americorps, especially the VISTA program is to work at the grassroots level to try to reverse the root causes of poverty. I would say that one of the root causes of poverty is the lack of good heath insurance- especially heath insurance that covers, and thus encourages, preventive health care. And yet, while we are doing this service- a service that I think is a pretty big deal- we are given a health care policy that is a JOKE. If your tooth falls out ON THE JOB, we will pay for it to be fixed, if your eye starts hemmorging while you are sitting AT THE OFFICE, we will pay for you to see a doctor, and so on. So really, people are working to change people in poverty, meanwhile we are really contributing, as well. Now on to my story.

So I have been really freaked out lately worried that I have a cavity. Because of the aforementioned insurance policy I was considering driving to Mexico, buying a bottle of Tequila and taking my chances, but then I realized that if they took more than one tooth, or the wrong one, this would only further diminish and hope that I might have left of EVER finding someone to marry me. I can see it now,
"What did you think of my friend Kara"
"Oh, you mean the snaggle-tooth girl?"
"I told you she has a nice personality."

But I sucked it up, and made an appointment with a dentist recomended by some friends from DF. I have always been pretty sensitive about my teeth. I had braces for five years. That is a really long time. When I got them off- when I was fifteen- I had had them on for a third of my life. That's a big commitment to some hardware, you know? And then there's always the fact that the dentist is seeing inside your mouth- a place very few people really look. It's like being naked in front of someone else. Maybe some people (Eve) get used to that, but still, there is vulnerability there. I know that they are going to be talking in the break room when I'm gone,
"Can you believe that molar?"
"It looked like she never flosses"
"I wonder what she ate for breakfast! Man"
And you're not even there to defend yourself.

So as the lady is cleaning away she asks me if anyone has ever told me that I grind my teeth. I think of all the people that have slept with me in the past four months- none- and tell her, "Nope, no one's ever mentioned it." When the dentist rolls around he informs me that I DO NOT have any cavities (HURRAH! I'm wondering where my sticker is. I really feel like after all the angst I have put myself through I should get a "no Cavities" sticker like I did when I was little), but that he thinks that I grind my teeth in my sleep. This is crazy.

SO I'm clear. Maybe I'm just stressed out. Who knows. No one is here to tell me, so I'm just going to grind away. I though that the knocked out tooth would keep the suitors away (I wish they were still called suitors), but now I have a bigger issue to deal with. Maybe I should reconsider the bottle of Tequila and just knocking them out.